My Freedom! At my own Will !!
"To all Women, Freedom should be at your own WILL!" - My Ode to Liberty
She had a weak heart
Suffered bouts of cough day and night
She was as thin as a reed
Weak with exhaustion
She went about her chores slowly and reluctantly
She lived in a cage of misery
It was a beautiful spring day
The outside world, cheerful and merry
She saw none of it
Then…..
The doorbell rang
She opened the door to let her sister in
Her sister looked agitated
Didn’t know how to break the news
She looked at her sister
Shedding tears silently
With her eyebrows raised
She questioned her
Her sister gently
Broke the news of her husband’s death
In a railroad accident
She did not react immediately, like all do
With a paralyzed inability
To accept its significance
She wept in wild abandonment
So very unlike her
And when the storm of grief spent itself
She summoned all her strength
To get up and lock herself in her room
There she sank in a comfortable armchair
Facing the open window
She was pressed down by physical exhaustion
That haunted her body endlessly
Outside the window
The world looked fresh and green
With new spring life
The delicious smell of flowers was in the air
Countless sparrows twittered in their eaves
The blue sky with patches of clouds, here and there
Looked like a beautiful quilt, nice and comforting
She sat motionless
Except when a sob came up
Into her throat
She was fair with a calm face
That bespoke repression and a certain strength
She fixed her gaze at the blue sky
Her eyes spoke of an intelligent thought
Something was coming towards her
And she was waiting for it, fearfully
She did not know
It was too subtle and elusive to name
But she felt that something
Reaching towards her
Through the sounds, the scents and the air
Her chest rose and fell tumultuously
She started recognizing that thing possessing her
She strove to beat it back with her will
But she was powerless
That was when she abandoned herself to it
A little whispered word escaped her
Slightly parted lips
She said over and over
Under her breath
Free, Free, Free
She realized it
The vacant stare
The look of terror vanished
Her eyes stayed keen and bright
Her pulse beat fast
The blood warmed and relaxed
Every inch of her body
She knew it was wrong
To feel free and joy at this juncture
But she saw beyond that
A long procession of years
That would only belong to her
And she opened and spread her arms out
To them in welcome
Spring days, summer days
And all sorts of days
Would be her own
She muttered a quick prayer
That life might be long
She would live for herself
There would be no powerful will
Bending her cruelly
In that blind persistence
With which men and women believe
They have a right to impose
A private will upon a fellow creature
For very long
She lived as a prisoner
In her own house
Years of abuse tortured her body and soul
His cruel intentions to break her will
Seem no less a crime
As she looked upon it
In that brief moment
Of illumination and self-assertion
She suddenly felt it
With joy she whispered
Free body and soul free
With buoyant spirit
She opened the door
To see her sister standing there
Confused and perplexed
With unnatural strength
She brushed past her bewildered sister
And walked out of the room and house
Murmuring to herself
Freedom, Freedom, at last.
IMAGINE! (A Tribute)
It’s great to feel this freedom from a relationship. The feeling can arrive at any time—it only needs a knowing inside to summon it. I’ve felt it in a relationship with a woman, not until it had happened a number of times during the course of that so-called partnership. (See my post https://virginialynns.substack.com/p/when-an-ancient-wrong-becomes-a-present) I also recognized it in almost everyone of my relationships with me—Never until the relationship had ended, though. And, there was always that first feeling of despair when being left. What is that anyway? Societal conditioning? We’re “a woman alone again-oh no!”
Loved it! Very well written.